So today while talking to someone I recently met (digitally at least), I was reminded with one of those special quirks that make me... well me.
I crave intellectual conversation. No wait... crave isn't strong enough. I am ravenous for intellectual conversation. Talking about philosophy, what makes people tick, people's beliefs, and other things just is so fulfilling. (Although whenever it happens it makes me lament over how rare the occasion actually is).
It also got me thinking about how I really need that in someone I am seeing. I have really only dated one person who enjoyed this as much as I do and it was great. I miss that a lot.
This also lead me to realize how the brain and personality really do weigh into my attraction level. I mean don't get me wrong... I am no saint. Looks certainly matter and draw you in. But the soul and brain are what keep you around. I think that is why some people are surprised to see who I have dated or who I get attracted to. They are so tied up in looks they don't see the stuff beyond the skin and muscle and... (ok sorry trailed off there) which can certainly be even more appealing than just the body.
Well yeah enough for now. I can't spoil the internet with paying it enough attention to get two posts from me in one day. I've learned my lesson again about giving it up too early and realizing it won't call me back the next day. SO HA! No more for you internet, not until later.
Friday, August 10, 2007
Ummm....... hello?
Well seeing as open letters are all the rage... I have decided to jump aboard the open letter train and fall in line. So here is my letter:
Dear Dustin,
Ok so... umm hello. I think it is about time you and I had a little heart to hear. This letter has been a brewin' for quite some time and you have known it. And believe you, me I have seen that look that you knew something was up and the anticipation has been swelling inside you waiting for everything to be exposed. Well wait no longer, Mr. The time has come for me to get some stuff off my chest, so sit down and read this and don't you dare try to say anything until you are done reading this whole thing.
Who in the hell do you think you are? I mean seriously. I know you pretty well and can say that often you completely forget to be who you are. I mean I know and totally feel bad for everything that has happened the last few years, but don't you think it is about time you let it all go and stop preventing yourself from showing everyone who you are? And those few friends you still have around who might have problems with you suddenly being slightly different? Screw 'em. I mean seriously, how long are you going to keep up a façade just to keep a few people's world views safe?
And that gets to the second point... SAFE? I mean come on. When we first started to get to know each other you were quite the little devil. Purposely doing your little tricks here and there just to bring people out of their mind numbing routines that they get trapped into. Pushing people out of their safe little boxes to make sure that they are continuing to grow in their own ways, while also working so hard as to hide the fact you are doing it. Where did all that go? Have you just become one of them now? Sold out to the routines and the safety that life can present? I sure as hell hope not, because if you did I am not sure you and I can continue to see each other the way we are or even really stay friends.
That whole singing and dancing in the car thing is good though. Keep at it. I mean there is a little of that little devil I remember. Just enjoy life and dance and sing. And remember that the trick isn't making sure no one is watching, but to make them notice. While everyone else is out there trying to hide their singing and dancing in the car, you keep making sure people see it. Because it always makes them smile or laugh. And even if they are laughing at how silly/stupid/etc you are, you are still making them laugh and bringing a bit of joy into their lives in your own random way.
But don't let it all stop there. Remember to keep laughing at yourself. Everyone is always so afraid of being laughed at they forget to laugh at themselves. Life is all about making yourself into the fool and learning from it and laughing from it all. Becoming too serious is not the path you want so turn that proverbial horse right around and get a galloping. You have been on that road a few days too long.
Now here is where I will also say a few other things that you have been doing better: good job on the drinking. You don't go too far, but make sure to have some fun. You know that whole lighten up thing. You have been starting to do a pretty good job at slowly doing it, without going to extremes. I mean thank the Lord you aren't looking to those shinning beacons in Hollywood for guidance on how to lighten up. I mean Lindsay has some awesome film roles, but please her life is not one to emulate lately. But let's stay hopeful for her and the others out there.
There. I think that is it for now. But trust me... you stray or keep on the path I mentioned and we are going to have another serious talkin' which might just lead to another break up entering your life.
So get on.
Have a good weekend do something devilish.
-Dustin
Dear Dustin,
Ok so... umm hello. I think it is about time you and I had a little heart to hear. This letter has been a brewin' for quite some time and you have known it. And believe you, me I have seen that look that you knew something was up and the anticipation has been swelling inside you waiting for everything to be exposed. Well wait no longer, Mr. The time has come for me to get some stuff off my chest, so sit down and read this and don't you dare try to say anything until you are done reading this whole thing.
Who in the hell do you think you are? I mean seriously. I know you pretty well and can say that often you completely forget to be who you are. I mean I know and totally feel bad for everything that has happened the last few years, but don't you think it is about time you let it all go and stop preventing yourself from showing everyone who you are? And those few friends you still have around who might have problems with you suddenly being slightly different? Screw 'em. I mean seriously, how long are you going to keep up a façade just to keep a few people's world views safe?
And that gets to the second point... SAFE? I mean come on. When we first started to get to know each other you were quite the little devil. Purposely doing your little tricks here and there just to bring people out of their mind numbing routines that they get trapped into. Pushing people out of their safe little boxes to make sure that they are continuing to grow in their own ways, while also working so hard as to hide the fact you are doing it. Where did all that go? Have you just become one of them now? Sold out to the routines and the safety that life can present? I sure as hell hope not, because if you did I am not sure you and I can continue to see each other the way we are or even really stay friends.
That whole singing and dancing in the car thing is good though. Keep at it. I mean there is a little of that little devil I remember. Just enjoy life and dance and sing. And remember that the trick isn't making sure no one is watching, but to make them notice. While everyone else is out there trying to hide their singing and dancing in the car, you keep making sure people see it. Because it always makes them smile or laugh. And even if they are laughing at how silly/stupid/etc you are, you are still making them laugh and bringing a bit of joy into their lives in your own random way.
But don't let it all stop there. Remember to keep laughing at yourself. Everyone is always so afraid of being laughed at they forget to laugh at themselves. Life is all about making yourself into the fool and learning from it and laughing from it all. Becoming too serious is not the path you want so turn that proverbial horse right around and get a galloping. You have been on that road a few days too long.
Now here is where I will also say a few other things that you have been doing better: good job on the drinking. You don't go too far, but make sure to have some fun. You know that whole lighten up thing. You have been starting to do a pretty good job at slowly doing it, without going to extremes. I mean thank the Lord you aren't looking to those shinning beacons in Hollywood for guidance on how to lighten up. I mean Lindsay has some awesome film roles, but please her life is not one to emulate lately. But let's stay hopeful for her and the others out there.
There. I think that is it for now. But trust me... you stray or keep on the path I mentioned and we are going to have another serious talkin' which might just lead to another break up entering your life.
So get on.
Have a good weekend do something devilish.
-Dustin
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
Friendly Mission Round 2
So since everything has been crazy lately... I have decided to put myself on a mission.
And that mission is to make new friends. Things were going very well in the "meet new people and make new friends" category, but a lot of that has fizzled. So now it is time for Round 2!
So... Mission meet new people round 2...
GO GO GO!
And that mission is to make new friends. Things were going very well in the "meet new people and make new friends" category, but a lot of that has fizzled. So now it is time for Round 2!
So... Mission meet new people round 2...
GO GO GO!
Sunday, July 15, 2007
New England...
People often ask me about my siblings... are they like me? do they enjoy the same things I do? are they smart? do we look alike?
And here I have decided it is time to share a fun story about my sister which might answer one of those.
Earlier today she came up to my mother in tears.
"Mom! Everyone is making fun of me and trying to make me look stupid," she said sniffling.
"Why? what?" My mom asked trying to diffuse the situation.
"Jonathan (my brother) and everyone are trying to trick me into believing them. They are trying to tell me that New England is in the United States and making fun of me for not believing them."
"Christina... New England is in the United States. We went even visited it... remember Rhode Island, New York and that whole trip?"
"MOM! Not you too! STOP! I know New England is in England right next to Old England. You all can't trick me. I'm not as dumb as you all make me sound!"
Sometimes I feel bad about stealing all the intelligence from the genetic pool...
And here I have decided it is time to share a fun story about my sister which might answer one of those.
Earlier today she came up to my mother in tears.
"Mom! Everyone is making fun of me and trying to make me look stupid," she said sniffling.
"Why? what?" My mom asked trying to diffuse the situation.
"Jonathan (my brother) and everyone are trying to trick me into believing them. They are trying to tell me that New England is in the United States and making fun of me for not believing them."
"Christina... New England is in the United States. We went even visited it... remember Rhode Island, New York and that whole trip?"
"MOM! Not you too! STOP! I know New England is in England right next to Old England. You all can't trick me. I'm not as dumb as you all make me sound!"
Sometimes I feel bad about stealing all the intelligence from the genetic pool...
Saturday, July 14, 2007
Little lost boy...
I am writing this to remind myself to write a real update soon.
But in the mean time I just want to share that there is tons of stuff to say, but the most important i that things are just god damn wonderful.
But in the mean time I just want to share that there is tons of stuff to say, but the most important i that things are just god damn wonderful.
Friday, June 29, 2007
RIP Boomer :(
This morning I got the phone call that I was dreading. It is common for me to talk to my mother before heading to work so I made little note of the fact that she was calling, but I think I knew something was up because I had that sinking feeling in my stomach before I even hit the call accept button.
"I just called to let you know that we are going to have to put Boo... him... to sleep." She said through the sobs. She couldn't say his name because as soon as she tried the tears burst forth and stalled her statement.
We knew it was a possibility. But we had faith that it wouldn't happen. He apparently had some disease that male cats are prone to that causes him to continually get painful Urinary Tract Infections. Medication didn't help, and our last try... a steroid failed us too aparently. So today his fate was decided. We would put him out of the pain, but that would mean that I lose my twin.
Despite what others knew about him he really was my feline twin. My roommates used to laugh when they would come home and he and I would be laying in the living room both alseep laying the exact same way next to each other (either stretched out real long or curled up in a ball). He was my protector, always watching out to make sure I was safe and no one would do me harm. Heck he even bit my boyfriend at the time as he tried to climb up into the top bunk with me warning him that he was under watch and better not do anything to harm me (plus lets face it he was jealous since he normally got to sleep with me).
Boomer (or as he loved me to call him Buttface) was a special cat. He was a survivor. There are so many times in his short life he should have died. He wa abandoned by his mother right after being born because he was trapped in a neighbors garage for 4 days without food. Somehow we nursed him to health and gave him to our dog Alexis to take care of and the two bonded. Bonded so much that they really believed they were mother and son.
Two dogs.
Yes... Boomer spent most of his life thinking he was a dog. He would chase other cats and watch them jump over a fence and turn around unaware of the fact he could do the same. He would fetch and bring me toys so we could play with him.
Boomer was that pet who could always make you feel loved when you didn't feel loved. And he always was there for me. It might sound silly but he knew when I needed someone to be there and he would come up and curl into my lap just to remind me that I wasn't alone. He was always going to be the first of my million cats I would have when I am an old senile man who lives by himself surrounded by millions of cats, but unfortunately fate decided something else for him.
He was a great pet and truly a part of me. I will miss him deeply. Much love Boomer.
"I just called to let you know that we are going to have to put Boo... him... to sleep." She said through the sobs. She couldn't say his name because as soon as she tried the tears burst forth and stalled her statement.
We knew it was a possibility. But we had faith that it wouldn't happen. He apparently had some disease that male cats are prone to that causes him to continually get painful Urinary Tract Infections. Medication didn't help, and our last try... a steroid failed us too aparently. So today his fate was decided. We would put him out of the pain, but that would mean that I lose my twin.
Despite what others knew about him he really was my feline twin. My roommates used to laugh when they would come home and he and I would be laying in the living room both alseep laying the exact same way next to each other (either stretched out real long or curled up in a ball). He was my protector, always watching out to make sure I was safe and no one would do me harm. Heck he even bit my boyfriend at the time as he tried to climb up into the top bunk with me warning him that he was under watch and better not do anything to harm me (plus lets face it he was jealous since he normally got to sleep with me).
Boomer (or as he loved me to call him Buttface) was a special cat. He was a survivor. There are so many times in his short life he should have died. He wa abandoned by his mother right after being born because he was trapped in a neighbors garage for 4 days without food. Somehow we nursed him to health and gave him to our dog Alexis to take care of and the two bonded. Bonded so much that they really believed they were mother and son.
Two dogs.
Yes... Boomer spent most of his life thinking he was a dog. He would chase other cats and watch them jump over a fence and turn around unaware of the fact he could do the same. He would fetch and bring me toys so we could play with him.
Boomer was that pet who could always make you feel loved when you didn't feel loved. And he always was there for me. It might sound silly but he knew when I needed someone to be there and he would come up and curl into my lap just to remind me that I wasn't alone. He was always going to be the first of my million cats I would have when I am an old senile man who lives by himself surrounded by millions of cats, but unfortunately fate decided something else for him.
He was a great pet and truly a part of me. I will miss him deeply. Much love Boomer.
Thursday, June 28, 2007
Cyber Personality Part 1
Your Score: Dionysus
33% Extroversion, 46% Intuition, 100% Emotiveness, 100% Perceptiveness
Although deeply emotional, you are extremely lacking in self-knowledge. You are somewhat needy, and when bored, may become very hedonistic. Your life is a quest for meaning, above all else. You are most like Dionysus. You are primarily interested in serving others, but your efforts are almost always unappreciated. You aren't confrontational, you're often out of tune with your own needs and unaware of the consequences of your own actions.
You are, at heart, a good person. You are very affectionate, and you are very loyal to your friends and family. You are very reluctant to burden others with your own problems, to the point that this in itself can become a problem for the people who care about you. This is a particular of a more general problem. Dionysus sends wave of ruin throughout his personal life. He is the photographer who seduces his subjects. He is the teacher who seduces a student. He is the art student who paints nonrepresentational splashes of color, he is the poet who rejects meter and content. You seek sexual partners more than anything else (this is to exploit the nurturing side of others to help fill your own void). If not sexual partners, this desire to become the object of sympathy with other people can manifest itself in other destructive ways. Stinkfist by Tool explains your condition pretty well. It's very likely that you haven't had many experienced mentors. You don't want them either, because you're the sort of person who rejects criticism and boundaries, but they're also your only hope for reaching any kind of emotional maturity.
Famous People Like You: John Lennon, Mick Jagger, Michael Jackson, Britney Spears, Marilyn Monroe, Hugh Hefner
I'd tell you to stay clear of Hermes, Icarus and Apollo, but you could probably learn something from them. You're least likely to hurt The Oracle, Atlas, Prometheus, and Daedalus, but Atlas and Daedalus won't like you very much.
Seek out: The Oracle, Prometheus
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