Forget Blind... Lady Love is Just Cruel...

So life has been interesting these last few weeks...

I added another person to my duo of crushes... But like normal something had to be super special about the situation. So now I had three guys I liked each of which had a wonderful "gift" to bring to the table.

Guy #1) I adored him and care very deeply about him. We dated before and things went sour due to some stupidity, but there will always be a part of my heart for him. But of course he not only now is further away, but is dating someone else. (And I honestly am happy for him.)

Guy #2) Honestly has grabbed my attention more than most people have before. Great and fun to hang out with and seems like too good a person to be real sometimes. However guy #2 isn't so interested in me beyond the friend stage so we will continue to be great friends (which still is a major bonus in my books).

Guy #3) Adorable to hell. Fun and nice, and a bit of a bad boy which is fun. I didn't expect to like him but just in hanging out I found myself liking him. Problem is he happens to also be freshly turned 18, still in highschool (although graduating soon) and lives at home with his mother.

Sooo basically I was screwed. And I guess I knew this. But somehow I ended up going with option number 3 and trying things out. OK OK OK.... I know. Shame on me. But there was something so nice about it. Something nice about someone wanting me after hearing about how undatable I am.

The kid had me hooked and I enjoyed it. We had fun, but ultimately something was missing. And I wanted to make it work. Wanted desperately to make it work. So that I knew I wasn't undatable... that I was good enough to date. But no matter how much I tried something was missing. He had to be home by a certain time so that meant no late night cuddling or time spent together. I had to deal with everyone bringing up how young he was and judging the fact that I choose to put myself in the situation. Perhaps those all made it slowly eat away at me and just bring out the fact that the special spark that ignites a good relationship just wasn't there.

So I called things off. And felt like a horrible person (and still do as a matter of fact), but I knew I couldn't drag things out while the kid was so happy and part of me wasn't. This of course was just not good... not good at all. But I pulled the proverbial band-aid off as quickly as I could and did it. And while part of me enjoys the freedom, I realize how this little vacation into the lands of dating only brought back the big fear that I am undatable.

Nice guys do finish last... we are the ones who everyone wants as their friends. The one who will always be there and people don't want to risk losing. So we are the ones who tend to just be everyones best friend and not their romantic interest. And you know what... I think I am starting to make some sad peace with that. At least I will have tons of people to call when one of my cats is sick and I need help to watch my 999 other cats while I go to the vet real quick.