Bleh...
Isn't it amazing how sometimes your brain can just drive you insane? How a little comment in a conversation can start a snowballing effect of mental doom?
Most of the time I feel so free from the nightmare before, but still sometimes it is amazing how something semi-random can bring about such a random change in all of that. Suddenly all those feelings of depression, humiliation, worthlessness can come flooding back to consume me and remind me of all those years. I suddenly can go from confident to feeling like I truly will never find someone who will value me or even want to date me, reduced to just hoping I can find someone who can put up with me for a day or night. And sadly, I am just not sure if I am date-able.
I like to think I would make someone happy. I am loving, and try to do what I can to make someone happy, educated both in a broad sense and in relationships, I love to cuddle, love to cook, and a wide variety of things I would think people would want. But then I often just seem to be reduced to someone who is attractive enough for someone to want to hook up with but not someone you would date.
9 months... I keep telling myself. Wow... I have survived 9 months of no affection. 9 months of being a good boy, resisting temptation. But at the same time it also comes to 9 months where the most affection or attention I have gotten has been a hug from someone I find attractive. I truly don't know what I will do as I slowly let that eat away at me and make me question if I have lost my touch.
Well there is the end of this sad story... pity party at my place later.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
It's funny...whenever your life is totally together, and you're happy...someone will come into your life to shake you up and snag your affection. Trust me, just when you're giving up...it happens. The trick is, you have to be satisfied with everything else in your life first for it to happen. :)
Post a Comment